For the past week, as I've been grading & blogging, I've been switching between CNN & binge watching Season 3 of Fuller House. I know. It's a little weird. That said, I hate to be out of touch with what's going on in the world, but then I need to get away from it & escape to that impossibly large house in San Francisco. After hearing about so much that disturbs me, saddens me, & disgusts me, I need a few dance sequences. I need someone to say "How rude!" I need Uncle Jesse.
I've accepted that this is who I am. My GoodReads book list is similar. I've read almost everything John Irving has written, & one of my favorite books from last year was The Last Days of Night, about Tesla & Edison. I also have almost all of the mysteries of James Patterson, Janet Evanovich, & Stuart Woods on there, as well as a good amount of Young Adult lit (for work, I swear :) ). In short, I'm all over the board.
And that's ok. I am smart & curious & reflective. I also cried at the Season 3 finale of Fuller House. I'm ok with this dichotomy. It allows me to feel happy & balanced. Now the big question is, what should I watch until Season 4 of Fuller House comes out??
A friend of mine recently asked me what my "end game" was with this blog. Truth is, I have no idea. I know that I'm really enjoying being creative & writing again. I'm enjoying getting to know some of my readers around the country. Weirdly, I find that my life feels more balanced since I started this project, which sounds bizarre since I'm busier. I'm busy in a good way, though, & clearly blogging offers me something I needed to be doing. I'm having so much fun with this!
I don't dream of this turning into my full time job, however. I also love teaching. I have a really hard time imagining walking away from being with the kids every day, even if this blog somehow started turning a huge profit... so I guess what I'm doing now is my end game. I want to write & search for deals online & connect with readers & other bloggers. This blog is my dream just the way it is :)
I do have to say, though, that I'm getting vicarious joy from reading about what's going on on some bigger blogs. For example, Living in Yellow is getting to design a clothing line with Gibson. How exciting is that! She clearly did want to make her blog her full time job, & boy, mission accomplished! She has a staff! Good for her! It's really neat that we live in a time when there are so many resources to help people create the lives they'd like to live.
If you're thinking of starting a blog in 2018, you can check out my Pinterest page called Blogging in the USA. I've found lots of resources if you're looking to try this out!
I should be grading. I've been off of work for just over a week, & I've barely done any. I have, however, lived Christmas to the fullest. The kids & I met my mom at the mall Christmas Eve day to watch the last minute shoppers, celebrated Christmas Eve at my in-laws, Christmas morning at our house, & Christmas night at my parents'. We slept over at my parents' for more family time, had a bonus Christmas at my sister's house, babysat their friend Lucas for a day, & hunkered down in the house for two frigid days before hosting my sister & brother-in-law & their kids for New Year's. We played with the kids' new toys & discovered just how well Ginny can read. James got a I Spy book at the library & spent hours devouring it in our laps. I may have spent a bit of time on my phone, but generally speaking, I lived in the moments with my kids this week. It was awesome.
Then, today, it was clear that it was time to take down the tree. We have a real one, & needles were falling off... no, basically, branches were falling off. It had to be done, & as the ornaments came down, melancholy rolled over me like a Mack truck. James found a train ornament he'd picked out on Veteran's Day. I remembered the day he bought it when I'd been looking forward to the whole season-- picking & decorating the tree, visiting Santa, riding the Polar Express, driving around looking at lights, & then, of course, opening on the big day. Now all those moments had passed, & my kids would be a year older the next time they came around.
So I cried. I cried & tried to distract myself & then cried some more. I'm proud of how often we live in the moment with the kids, but even when you do, those moments still pass. I wish I had some wisdom to write here about it, but I don't. You don't get to play Santa forever, & eventually they don't want to read I Spy books in your lap. And that sucks. But I also know people who've lost children, whose children are frozen in time for them, so I'm not letting myself stay in this mood for long. It is a blessing that they keep growing. I have so much to be grateful for & to pay attention to...
For example, while I was busy trying to pull it together today, the kids decided that they wanted to help clean up after the tree. James got the vacuum & attached the stick thing & spent probably 45 minutes sucking needles out of the cracks between our floor boards. Ginny decided to make her doll's Jeep into a "snow plow" to clean up the needles in the kitchen. All of this activity happened while they were dressed as superheroes (naturally). If I'm too busy feeling bad that these days will one day end, I'll miss the day that Spiderman & Batman clean my floors. Good thing I do keep my phone handy-- I took pictures. When these days have passed, I'll be darned if I don't have plenty of ways to remember them. These are pretty awesome days.
I'm so grateful to have you here with me. I LOVE being a mom, but I'm trying to still be "me" while being a mom, & this blog has been a tool for me to figure that out. Hopefully it's that for you, as well. I look forward to hearing from you so that I can make this blog meaningful for you. Thanks for being here!