What I Want Before 50: The ability to stop apologizing when something isn’t your fault & start apologizing when you’ve made a mistake.
Recently, I was reading a post in a teacher community, & I think I found a great way to illustrate how I've changed with each decade. Here's the question posted:
How would you respond to a coworker who doesn't put her best effort into giving feedback on group work?
Here's how I'd react to this question during each decade:
20-something me: Worry if I give enough feedback when I assign group work
30-something me: Think "Jeez, lady, she's probably figured out that the only kid who reads the feedback on group work is the kid who did the work & that kid probably doesn't need the feedback."
40-something me: Write "Tell her 'I'm sorry you have such a judgmental coworker'" and POST it.
I've always been pretty good at apologizing when I need to-- it's so freeing. I live with guilt for a long time when I screw up, and saying sorry allows me to move on. I try to model it for my children, too, because I want them to be able to move beyond their mistakes. If I snap at them, I apologize, explain what I was feeling, and how I'm going to try to do better the next time. If anything, I hope to apologize more in the future and continue to take responsibility for my actions.
That said, I'm so over apologizing for other people, and I'm over apologizing just to make conflict go away. Sometimes, I deserve the apology, and I ask for it when I do. Now, with my daughter that sometimes takes the form of a loud, sarcastic "Sor-ry," accompanied by an eye roll. That's a work in progress. I will continue, however, to insist that other people take responsibility for their actions. I'm done owning others people's mistakes, and I like to think that it makes everyone a little better when we hold each other to that standard. My daughter has yet to be convinced... but again, a work in progress. :)
I'm so grateful to have you here with me. I LOVE being a mom, but I'm trying to still be "me" while being a mom, & this blog has been a tool for me to figure that out. Hopefully it's that for you, as well. I look forward to hearing from you so that I can make this blog meaningful for you. Thanks for being here!